FLY-HALF
If you have highlights in your hair and practice your disco moves, you’re a #10. Primary role is the leader of the backs – a dubious honour at best. Main responsibilities as far as I can tell is ability to throw the ball over people’s heads and to provide something soft for opposing back rowers to land on. While some may argue that these players must be protected, I find it hard to support anyone whose foot touches a rugby ball on purpose.
SCRUM-HALF
Backs start at number nine with a strange hybrid called the scrum-half. This is a tiny chap with a big voice and some serious issues. Ideally here you are looking for someone with a severe Napoleon complex so that he can bark orders at the forwards without fear. He is like those small yappy dogs that seem to think they are huge Alsatians.
Gauge, Steven (2012-02-19). My Life as a Hooker: When a Middle-Aged Bloke Discovered Rugby
