"No one knew" - Ellie Kildunne opens up on her 'crippling' diagnosis

byRugby Rucker

also explores how Kildunne’s struggles with eating, exercise and body image were closely linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), a condition she was diagnosed with in 2024. The diagnosis brought a sense of relief, helping to explain many of the challenges she had faced throughout her life.

Ellie Kildunne has revealed the deeply personal struggles she endured during the early stages of her England career, opening up about “crippling body dysmorphia” ahead of the release of her new book,
Game Changer.

Join the RUCK’s WhatsApp community here and get the latest news sent straight to your messages.

In extracts first reported by The Telegraph, the Red Roses full-back offers a candid insight into the pressures of elite sport and the obsessive mindset that once dominated her life.

Kildunne explains how her fixation with performance became all-consuming, particularly when it came to her training. Writing in Game Changer, she recalls:

“On some runs, I’d realise halfway I wasn’t going to set a new record, so I would give up and walk back to my car because I didn’t see the point in completing the run. It was a new record or nothing.”

A Damaging Mindset

Her relationship with food deteriorated alongside this relentless pursuit of improvement. Despite already being one of the smaller, lighter players in the England squad, Kildunne became convinced that losing more weight would make her faster.

“It was a damaging mindset, but that’s how I thought at the time,” she writes. “I just couldn’t stop the thoughts controlling my eating. I’m quite small anyway, but I had crippling body dysmorphia that impacted me both mentally and physically.”

The Intervention That Changed Everything

A crucial turning point came thanks to Emily Ross, who confronted Kildunne during a Wasps training session once lockdown restrictions had eased. The physiotherapist’s concern prompted an emotional breakthrough.

“Ross sat her down and was blunt with her, telling her how small she looked and asking whether everything was OK. I burst into tears,” Kildunne writes.

Kildunne says she is now in a much healthier place, supported by a strong network of people around her. However, she stresses that recovery is an ongoing process.

“I don’t think things are ever really fixed,” she admits. “It’s something I’ve got to be cautious of every day. Where commentators might say, ‘Ellie’s not the biggest on the pitch, but she’s stronger than she looks’. Things like that, I’ve got to deal with that. Because they think it’s OK.”

Raising Awareness for Future Athletes

The England star hopes that sharing her experiences will help others facing similar challenges. She highlights how seemingly harmless comments about food and body image could be deeply triggering.

“At the time, no one knew what I was going through and, like I said in the book, people would say to me, ‘Oh Ellie, eat a burger’. That triggered me not to want to eat any more. So it was more of an awareness piece, so anyone who is going through that knew if they can see me being strong and going into contact... I really had to work for that. And there is a way out of it.”

Kildunne also revealed that she drew inspiration from Alessia Russo, who has spoken publicly about similar issues.

“Alessia Russo did an amazing thing when she spoke about it; I was hugely inspired by that. And I hope that the next athlete who reads my book can be inspired. Luckily I got the help and the support I needed.”