As you prepare to groan at the jokes in your Christmas crackers, we have selected our rugby-themed favourites.
Christmas just wouldn't be the same without crackers. Just think, no paper hat to make you look like a numpty, no tape measure or plastic ring to keep you amused for all of 30 seconds and no side-splitting jokes.
If you've heard 'What goes Zzub Zzub?' and 'What's yellow and dangerous?' * once, you've heard them a million times, so we thought it would be nice to shake things up with a few gags aimed specifically at rugby fans.
So without further ado, here are our nine jokes...
1. Why didn’t the bicycle play rugby?… It was two tired.
2. What happens to a rugby player when his eyesight starts to fail? He becomes a referee.
3. I met this really saucy girl last night. “Humiliate me,” she said – so I bought her a Leicester Tigers shirt.
4. “ Have you heard about the new Bath bra? It has a lot of support but no cups"
5. My girlfriend has just dumped me because she thinks I’m obsessed with rugby. I’m gutted - we’d been going out for three seasons.
6. As I was walking home from work last week I noticed a Harlequins season-ticket nailed to a tree. I thought to myself ‘I’m having that!’ ‘cos you can never have enough nails, can you?
7. What would you get if you crossed a rugby player and the Invisible Man?… Rugby like no one has ever seen.
8. Why did God invent beer? To stop prop forwards from taking over the world!
9. Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
Because it saves time.
* Just in case you didn't know the answers to those standard cracker gags, they are a) A bee flying backwards and b) Shark-infested custard.
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- Jordie Barrett over Damian de Allende is far from being correct. The hype around Dupont is also overreaching, he's probably 4th in the world and has been since the 2023 WC. He also avoids certain matchups which is strange. The rest of the list is pretty good apart from minor subjective biases.JasonMarlow16-09-2026
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