These days, most rugby players are at pains to talk up their opponents, lest their disrespectful comments are daubed graffiti-like on the opposing dressing room wall.
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You are also advised to talk up your teammates lest you damage their confidence or get yourself shipped out to another club.
These factors have witnessed the sad decline of rugby player insults. Fewer of them again are funny. Here we've rustled up the five funniest insults in sport, including a corker from Joe Marler that led to him being cornered by three brothers.
#1. Who are you?
A young player was making his Premiership debut at scrum-half. He was playing against Andy Gomersall. He tried to be funny at the first scrum and said to Gomersall "don't hurt your back putting the ball in, old man". He retorted "I would give you some abuse, but I have no idea who the f@*k you are!"
Ouch.
Andy Gomarsall facts:
- Gomarsall is now building his Father's business, Network 2 Supplies Ltd. as a Director
- The playmaker won 35 caps between 1996 and 2008
- He played for Bath, Bedford, Wasps, Gloucester, Worcester, Harlequins and Leeds during 17 years in the top flight
#2. Brutal Austin
Harry Ellis had taken Austin Healey's position at scrum-half in 2001 - and Healey had dropped to the bench. In the changing rooms before the game, the experienced Healey came over to Ellis and asked how he was feeling ahead of his debut in front of 15,000 at Welford Road - Ellis replied 'I'm really, really nervous about it mate - absolutely bricking myself!', to which Healey told him 'Yeah, well you should be nervous - because you're f*cking sh*t!'
Austin Healey facts:
- He has 51 England caps and 2 Lions caps
- Healey appeared on BBC gameshow, Mastermind, on 4 January 2013. His specialist subject was Everton Football Club
- He is a famously competitive and "outspoken" character, gaining the nickname "The Leicester Lip"
- Healey's autobiography, Lions, Tigers and Roses, was published by Oxford University Press in 2001
#3. Sinckler winds up the Aussies
During the 2018 Autumn International clash at Twickenham, viewers heard him tell Australia’s forward pack: “You’re all ****ing snitches anyway”.
As Balls.ie and others have pointed out, Sinckler’s comments were surely in reference to Australia’s decision to drop Kurtley Beale and Adam Ashley-Cooper for the England game. The pair were dropped after they were found to have brought guests back to the team hotel following a defeat in Wales earlier this month.
Kyle Sinckler facts:
- According to Sinckler, he was a keen footballer though his physical nature resulted in him dropping the sport
- He was a member of the England squad that finished as runners-up to South Africa at the Rugby World Cup in Japan
- In July 2017, Sinckler was arrested in Central Auckland, during a night out with his teammates on the conclusion of the British & Irish Lions' tour to New Zealand
#4. Cheeky Joe Marler
“Joe Marler last weekend actually told me to stop shagging my brothers,” revealed Sale Sharks Robert du Preez when asked by Rugby Pass what might have been the funniest sledging he had heard while on the pitch during his time playing in the English top flight.
“He has always got good one-liners and I didn’t have a comeback. Obviously, we were a bit under the pump, which was unusual, so I didn’t really have much to go back to. Although I must say categorically I do not shag my brothers,”
Joe Marler facts:
- Marler started his career at Haywards Heath RFC in Sussex where he played in the same side as fellow England international Billy Twelvetrees
- After joining the Quins academy in 2008, the prop spent some time on loan to Esher and Worthing
- He’s been nicknamed Croissant. In his own words, it’s because: “The boys think I have a nose that looks like a French pastry.”
- Marler was captain for England at U18s level and represented the U20 squad throughout the Junior World Championship in summer 2009
- He is also one of the hosts of The Joe Marler Show podcast with Tom Fordyce
#5. Brutal O'Mahony
From his legendary outburst at England prop Kyle Sinckler to his more recent verbal assasination of All Blacks captain Sam Cane, the Ireland flanker is one of the games premier sh**talkers.
During Ireland's 2022 summer tour of New Zealand, he was heard saying to Cane: “Who do you think you are? You’re a shit Richie McCaw pal.”
#6. Nigel Owens at his best
“I’m straighter than that one”
Nigel Owens is openly gay and campaigns for bullying, but that does mean he’s above being self-deprecating. During a dodgy Harlequins line-out he told the hooker, in a roundabout way, he best get his throws together.
Nigel Owens facts:
- Owens started refereeing in 1987, after his sports teacher John Beynon suggested he take up refereeing after a school game
- Scarlets and Wales U20 centre Ioan Nicholas is the cousin of the top referee
- The Welshman supports National League side Wrexham
- He currently holds the world record for the most test matches refereed
- n May 2007, Owens publicly came out as gay in an interview with Wales on Sunday
