9. The Useless One
A player who has absolutely no concept of any rules yet throws them-self round like a rabid animal. As likely to have a moment of magic as they are to give away a penalty.
10. The Kitman
Inevitably there is always that one player who forgets an essential bit of kit (every week). Fortunately, every team has that one person who always has three of everything meaning that there are never any problems with missing kit.
11. Thousand Yard Stare
Someone who is so calm before a game that they may as well not be there. Happy to sit in total silence for hours before a game, they may as well not be there for all the input they have during the team’s pre-match ritual, but come game time, that all changes.
12. Clubman Of The Year
Trains religiously every week, commitment of a jack russell digging for a bone, paints the stands, mows the pitches, full of energy and positivity even when you are 27 points behind, it’s pissing it down and you’ve not been out of your own 22 for the entire half. You want to murder him.